{"id":4719,"date":"2022-04-19T12:15:54","date_gmt":"2022-04-19T16:15:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/?p=4719"},"modified":"2022-04-19T12:21:15","modified_gmt":"2022-04-19T16:21:15","slug":"goodnight-or-not-i-guess","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/2022\/04\/19\/goodnight-or-not-i-guess\/","title":{"rendered":"Goodnight&#8230;or not I guess"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&#8217;m not sleeping. I have been an insomniac ever since I can remember but this is beginning to feel different. The work seems to have no timeframe. I could rework a design a thousand times over and still be unhappy with the result. The journey is what matters, not the work, but the journey is so long, costly, and making me just a little bit crazy. There are not enough hours in a day to get everything done that I want to. But no worries, I can make time, I can carve it out of the dark hours of the night for myself. Just a few minutes here, some hours there and I can take more out of the day.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s my secret weapon.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No matter what I will get it done. The mind of a workaholic is infuriating. Staying up later and later is a compulsion, an addiction, but the scariest thing about it is that I think it\u2019s the reason for my success. I feel compelled to make every work as perfect as possible. Though I have worked hard to give up that push to perfection long ago, that feeling still lingers, like a creeping and ever looming shadow there is\u00a0 always something to be done.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Free time is suffocating. <\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The quiet relief of doing nothing stands no chance against the rising tide of panic that I should be doing something else. But the worst part of it all is not suffering the consequences of my own actions, it&#8217;s the reward of the hard work. No matter the cost I will be the hardest worker.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I love it, I live for it, and I truly wish I didn\u2019t trade sleep for it. <\/span><\/p><p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m thinking about sleep&#8230;or not sleeping<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":88,"featured_media":4721,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[347],"tags":[131,57,137,39],"class_list":["post-4719","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-time-flies","tag-beinghuman","tag-control","tag-experience","tag-making","entry-card--square"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/blue.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p86O3z-1e7","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4719","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4719"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4719\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4727,"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4719\/revisions\/4727"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4721"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4719"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4719"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/academics.design.ncsu.edu\/yesand\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4719"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}