I need to know that what I do/make/try will be of my doing, and not subject to the unpredictability of errant brushstrokes, harsh feedback, or hurt feelings. (Or do I?)

I need to know that what I do/make/try will be of my doing, and not subject to the unpredictability of errant brushstrokes, harsh feedback, or hurt feelings. (Or do I?)
I’m feeling anxious.
I’m feeling creeped out about how much of our privacy is taken away.
Im thinking about our data.
I’m doing a lot of thinking.
I’m feeling for the light in the expansive darkness
I”m feeling like Jekyll and Hyde
I’m thinking about the future.
I’m feeling inundated with information and there’s a tightness in my chest.